Toilet Humour – FREE PRINTABLES

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My boyfriend and I decided the toilet room’s walls needed to be filled, so we came up with some cheeky music-inspired sayings to illustrate.

But why keep it to ourselves? If you fancy some toilet humour for your own WC, click on the “DOWNLOAD HERE” link below each artwork for the high-res version, right click on the image in the new window and click “Save image as…”.
Best printed at A6 or A5 size.

The originals were painted in Winsor & Newton ultramarine ink.

Tinkle-Town
^ Tinkle TownDOWNLOAD HERE

Poop-City
^ Poop CityDOWNLOAD HERE

Plop-n-Roll
^ Plop ‘n RollDOWNLOAD HERE

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South African Flower Cards ~ FREE PRINTABLES

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Each card was lovingly hand-drawn and painted before being digitised and uploaded for you to print at home for a loved one. Choose from four beautiful South African flowers with the option of a special wish on the front of the card, or opt for a blank template to write your own message or your loved one’s name. Folding instructions below. 

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©Amy Slatem 2018. For personal use only. 

Special Message Cards:

Print the card to suit the special occasion.

To download:
Click on the card name below (will open in a new tab) > (right click) save image as > then print as A4 (don’t fit to page)

Blank Message Cards:

Write your own message or loved one’s name in flower’s banner.

To download:
Click on the card name below (will open in a new tab) > (right click) save image as > then print as A4 (don’t fit to page)

HOW TO FOLD:

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  1. Fold A4 printed page in half horizontally.
  2. Fold in half again so the flower is on the front. Open the card and write your message on the right inside page.
  3. Tadaah! You’re done. Now pop it in an envelope. 

Please do not edit, re-purpose or sell these files or printouts. For personal use only.
©Amy Slatem 2018.

But please do show me your finished printed cards by tagging me on Instagram @shmaymee.

Illustrated Travel Journal: Part 8

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Ok so it’s already October, that means only two more firsts of the month for 2017, let’s not panic. I luckily (or lazily) have a couple of stories that happened in early months that have yet to be told, so let’s distract ourselves with some dinners and festivals that happened back in July before getting into what went down over the October holiday on Jeju Island…

Thur 20 July: Teachers’ Dinner
Sharing meals and drinks is a significant part of Korean culture. This applies to work life too and makes for quite anticipated dinner events among the teachers at my school. So far this year we’ve had a pork BBQ Dinner, a Hike + Duck Galbi Dinner, a Shabu-Shabu Dinner and last week we had a Hike + Raw Fish Dinner (that was an interesting one). But because this is a belated post, we’re skipping back to the July dinner which was probably the most delicious and “eventful” one: Shabu-Shabu. This meal is “a Japanese nabemono hotpot dish of thinly sliced meat and vegetables boiled in water,” and also includes (to my demise) a buffet of everything from sushi to fried chicken and pizza.41_Teachers-Dinner

The main hotpot soupy dish sits bubbling away in the middle of the table (with crab legs sticking out of the broth) and you add in all the veggies and interesting things, then dip the really thin slices of meat in with chopsticks for a couple of seconds only. You can use the round rice papers soaked in water to make a little meat, sauce and lettuce package which you shove in your mouth and try deal with the size and deliciousness of it. All this plus being fed beer and soju by colleagues and later the principal and vice.

It never ends there either, there’ll still be a post-dinner dish served, which should be the dessert course, but is a soup and rice serving of sorts instead. And more drinks. And then… you might just land up in a noraebang i.e. a karaoke room which involves singing, more snack foods (including fruit and dried squid, which is the Korean biltong of choice) and more beer and soju. And mind you, all of this on a school night. On vocals for a number of songs was the principal, a dignified 50+ man. Alongside him stood the vice principal, a similarly aged and mannered lady singing Korean ballads with my one co-teacher as the backup dancer and tambourine player. I unfortunately got coaxed into  singing an English song for everyone, by myself. We’ll leave it there. 

Sat-Sun 22-23 July: Mud Festival
Just days after our teachers’ dinner, I was off on a bus with a bunch of friends to Boryeong (about a 4 hour bus trip) to go and get covered in mud, go on mud slides etc at 보령머드축제. The mud is said to have beneficial minerals for your skin, so basically it’s an excuse to go wild for the good cause of skin enrichment. However, the event was packed. The queues to the mud slides and all the fun things in the mud park were too long and we ended up only doing mud wrestling, during which I got tackled too enthusiastically by my friend. We did leave the area fairly muddy, but it’s a rather watery covering which isn’t unpleasant. Luckily the mud park is right next to the beach so we joined the many others taking a natural bath in the magically warm sea, while floating a large plastic beer bottle amongst our group.52_MudfestThat night included the most spectacular fireworks I have ever seen. The ships were anchored off shore, shooting off the fireworks of different designs to the rhythm of the music playing, the lights reflecting on the water while we stood in awe on the beach. This was the definitely the highlight of the trip. There were also Kpop performances on the main stage on the beach and other festivities going on.

 

Tues 19 Sept: Baseball
This was possibly the most fun I’ve had on a Tuesday night in a long time. I’m not much of a sports fan, but it was the end of the baseball season and when next would I ever get the chance to watch this very non-South-African sport? 53_Baseball.jpgWell to be honest I spent very little of my time there watching the game. It was way more fun watching the cheerleaders and mascots in the front while chanting the individual player’s chant with the crowd when they scored. One of the chants was for “Andy Bonzoo” (the American playing for Busan), which I only found out the next day that his surname is actually ‘Burns’. Ah, Korean pronunciation! But our pronunciation of the Korean players’ names was suspect too and we relied on the big screen to try decipher how to say their names during the chants.

Near the end of the game, orange plastic bags are distributed to the audience for trash collection. However, it is customary to take the bag, catch air and tie a knot then put the bag balloon on your head and hook each handle over your ears to make a nifty head-piece while everyone sings the Lotte-Lot-te-Lott-tehhh-Looooooooooh-teeeeh song.
I left the stadium without realising that I didn’t even know who had won.

Fri 22 Sep: Just another day in 6th grade
I’m now used to the kids throwing pencil cases around, tackling each other, erasing things off the board, knocking over chairs, ringing the desk bell and going through the papers on the teacher’s desk. But this story will beat all the other incidents of them being wild between classes:
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Disclaimer: They are better behaved during the lesson, but in the 10min between classes, these types of behaviours can be expected, especially with this grade.

CHUSEOK HOLIDAY
Tue-Sun 03-08 Oct: Jeju Island adventure
Who wouldn’t love a 10 day holiday to look forward to? So after a few free days to play around in Busan, a couple of friends and I went with EnjoyKorea , a great English tour company (free advertising right here) to the honeymoon island of Jeju – a mere 9 hour, 2 bus trips and a ferry worth to get to this large island south of Korea for 5 nights. 55_Jeju-intro

Might I add that we left at 1am in the morning from Busan to get there by 10am, which we used the rest of the day to lie on the beach, eat chips and nap. Unfortunately it wasn’t quite warm enough to convince me to swim as I sat there in jeans and a hoody, I mean it is Autumn here. Our hotel was pretty sweet with a lovely big pool (once again, no swimming for me) with the ocean in view. We were in a room of 4, but luckily there were two single beds, and only 2 “floor beds” ondol style. Beds are a bonus in Korea!

We had a really decent itinerary over the 6 days, which included enough sightseeing to let us see what Jeju has to offer (things are rather spread out over the island though) and balanced with a lot of down-time to chill or explore or find restaurants (and craft beer shops). We also played a lot of cards on this trip, just FYI.

Day 1-2: A temple, Gold Buddha, little Holland, 3 waterfalls and a tequila night with water slides and ball pits:56_Jeju-1

Day 3: Love Land
The sex theme park full of humour and pleasure…

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Day 4: Craters and Caves
We missed seeing the diving ajummas that day because of the bad weather but we did get to hike up the stair-cased mountain to see the large crater and then later go into the volcanic tube caves. 
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We did a good few hours on the bus that day and I can say Jeju has a lot of horses. Random fact. And it’s known for its oranges. And the many dol haraubang stone statues that look like penis men. 

Day 5-6: Free day, beach day.
We spent a lazy day wandering around the nearest town (Hyeopjae), looking at hippie shops (odd for Korea), and chilling on the beach. We also found a rather hipster container yard of shops and restaurants. 
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Namhae Oktoberfest:
After an early start of bus-ferry-bus and about 6 hours later, we made a slight detour to Namhae and its little German Village for the Korean edition of OktoberFest.

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What a random and magical little German-themed town kitted out with beer stalls along the streets selling great German drafts, people in lederhosen and dirndlsworst and of course Korean music for the occasion (?). The closest we can get to Europe right now.
We got home around 9pm and still had the Monday off to recover the next day. A fantastic Chuseok break, I’d say.

Thanks for scrolling! Part 9 to follow soon…

Follow-me

Hello there, Adele.

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Adele has just recently released her single ‘Hello’, taken from her new album, 25, (release date: 20 November).
The song is great. Like really. Which is why I decided to pull out my (rather dusty) inks and brushes and while listening to this goosebumping song far too many times, I did an Adele-portrait-meets-lyrics piece.
I ended up simplifying the original artwork in Photoshop because there was just too much text… this should explain why not all the lyrics made it on in the end. But that’s just the fine print. Who reads fine print anyway? (I’m joking)

1I started the painting as an A3 landscape (I’m not sure why that made sense at the time) which was just a bit too big to fit in my scanner at the end. So the only way to really digitise it (other than photographing, but that’s not accurate enough) was to scan in the image half a side at a time, left then right with enough overlap each time. And yay Photoshop (and Google for showing me the answer) and its highly impressive automatic stitching command: Photomerge (File > Automate > Photomerge).

Stitched-Trio
1. I was originally going to manually try match up and layer the two scans myself – this would’ve taken a lot more time, effort and inaccuracy.
2. This shows the stitching that PS did by itself. Pretty incredible. I pulled the two pieces apart just to show how it merged the two separate images so perfectly together. I initially thought it was already flattened because it looked so natural.
3. How it looked immediately after it finished rendering the Photomerge. SEAMLESS!!


Adele by Amy SlatemFinal artwork ^^
Reminiscent of Billy Joel’s Piano Man actually…


Adele-OriginalThe original artwork scanned in (more text – but it looked too much like a beard so I erased it)


Adele-eyesAdele se oogbolletjies. (detail)


PROCESS PHOTOS…42


In case you STILL haven’t heard it…

Mean Popcorn WALLPAPER DOWNLOAD

Hello lovely people, so I’ve re-purposed a recent illustration from my 23dom series into a wallpaper for a wide computer screen and a smartphone and made it available for download. So please go ahead and give it a save- and set as…

Download computer wallpaper (1920 x 1080 px) here.

Download phone wallpaper (640 x 960 px) here.

23dom: Week 3. 07/02/15 – 14/02/15

Day 16. Saturday. 07/02/15
#CRIKEY

Day-16

I often get these big and wonderful ideas, this is my current adventurous tangle of practicalities. Watch this space…


Day 17. Sunday. 08/02/15
#WHAT NOW

Day-17

This is based on a recent experience I had while visiting family friends and being asked to “un-Uncle” my one uncle figure and call him by just his first name. It’s rather difficult to unlearn such set “norms” that have always been so since I was little. This is one example of many.


Day 18. Monday. 09/02/15
#AMAWOOFWOOF

Day-18

Hmmm, does it make it any better that I can admit that I can be one (from time to time only, obviously…)?


Day 19. Tuesday. 10/02/15
#CUTSDEEP

Day-19

This is the second time I’ve managed to cut my finger with a sharp knife while preparing spinach (of all things). This time at least it didn’t end in stitches.


Day 20. Wednesday. 11/02/15
#ONE

Day-20

Still early days and counting. One month together yet one month apart.


Day 21. Thursday. 12/02/15
#JUNGLEHEADED

Day-21

Today’s thought is a continuation from Day 16, in which my brain is a mushy mess of thoughts and confusions, of excitements and doubts about the future, foreign countries and hearts. Made me think of the fab song by Wankelmut & Emma Louise: My Head is a Jungle (Give it a listen. Let it get stuck in your brain too! My gift to you.)


Day 22. Friday. 13/02/15
#JUST

Day-22

I got thinking about the formalities of making plans with old friends, new friends and people in between and how one goes about deciding on what kind of “date” you would care/be able to do based on your relationship with that person. Simple coffee dates by no means [always] hold a negative connotation, but I wouldn’t necessarily want to go on an extended lunch date or similar with certain people, I mean you’re setting yourselves up for a commitment of being able to hold long[er] conversations, choosing what to eat (mothatrucking pasta vs the greek salad, darling) and then still eating it awkwardly in front of each other while trying to determine the difference between awkward silence or eating silence, oh… and then the bill. Honestly, sometimes just going for coffee is a WAY less stressful/awkward/intimidating/ idunno invitation… sometimes you’re just a coffee date to me.


Day 23. Saturday. 14/02/15
#VDAY

Day-23

The distance between us is only half of the Earth, no biggie.
Also the last day of the 23dom series… and it’s Valentines day (23 days after my 23rd birthday!).


Let me know your thoughts about 23dom, the posts, your own experiences of being in your confused 20’s, being a creative and anything in between… I’d love to chat (and maybe do a follow up similar series).
To keep up to date with my latest artworks, follow me on Instagram @shmaymee.